More on Pre-trip jitters, and thoughts.

Posted By: Creator of Zsup

So I've finally gotten my VISA to Japan. Which is about 10% of the battle won, but a crucial 10%.

Then I managed to get my flight itinerary changed for SG$100+, because I didn't wanna take my chances at the immigration and get rejected entry into Japan.

I've even managed to pack all the stuff that I think I will need into my single backpack.

Yet there's a feeling of trepidation, what if its worse than we expected? What if we run out of money? What if its too cold? What if the people there are really mean?

I'm scared. I am most assuredly afraid of whats to come, as this is the first time I will be going for such a long trip away from home, away from security, away from stability, away from the foundations of which I was built on, away from my family, away from my friends, away from the familiarity of Singapore customs. I am scared, shaken, in turmoil.

But that turmoil is because of another emotion within me. The desire to make this trip happen, to succeed, to enjoy it, to make it worth every single dollar and cent I have saved for the past 20 years of my life (which happens to be all of it mind you). These emotions mixed with the fear of the unknown has caused a rift within me, a rift that will only be sealed when I reach Japan; however the sealant may be for the worse or for the better.

I thought about the trip quite a few times till today. Many a time I felt that it was a wrong decision. Because of the nature of the trip, because of the massive logistics, because of the time, money and emotional investment. I felt like pulling out so many times, but then I thought, to what end would it serve? I would have learnt nothing; sure I would've also cut my spending, but then all would have been worthless no?

I went to the temple. And I did some form of fortune telling, the Chinese call it 'chou qian', and I got a "BAD" draw. Which upset me, terribly. It was just another sign that sucked. But it told me that I should persevere, and keep my targets in sight, instead of getting misdirected by stuff that happens, stuff that I dislike, stuff that causes trouble.

Today I talked to Kim about her fears, her stresses, her thoughts. It was negative. But it was negative only because we spent so much time thinking about it, because we were so uncertain, because THAT is the NATURE of our travel. The uncertainty. Japan is so closed up to us that we were unable to obtain alot of critical information, hence the uncertainty. It's a culture so old compared to us, its roots in centuries of tradition. Yet I believe we should just GO FOR IT. So that WE KNOW.

No matter how bad, no matter how good, no matter how messy, no matter what. We will go. So that we will know. Thats how I feel. And thats why with all the trepidation, the weird vibes, the stress of uncertainty, I will still, push on.

In about 16 hours, I will depart from this place, and from there about 12 hours, will find out what Japan has in store for me. Whether my fears were right or wrong, and what I can do about it.

Cheer me on, pray for me, think of me. I thank all for the moral support even if I'll never see it.

"We have options, its just whether we have more options or less due to the circumstances." - THY

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1 zsupplets:

Raine said...

Thank you for just now :D I'm thinking just stick to the positive, not to the maybes and what ifs. We'll manage, yes? :D